May 15th, 2012: the day that I went, and shopped, and put big-girl money down for, and bought…

 my first car. 

It wasn’t the first I drove, or called mine. But it’s the first that truly is. It’s new and it’s shiny, it only has 25 miles on its transmission and it’s blue. No, not Bruin blue - but Duke blue, Apple blue and Dodger blue. His name is Duke, I think. 

Today made me feel intrigued, then curious, then particular, then demanding, then uncertain, then summoned, then empowered, and then unsure again! Thank goodness to have had my friend and former co-worker Erica with me. Now, I feel burdened and blessed, similar to the way that always makes me remember that certain gifts in life will be burdens to bear, because of their consequences and inherent obligations. 

As I drove home from Scott and Stepha’s apartment tonight, where I had gone just to show them (and then share in a Glee viewing party for old times’ sake), I felt somewhat like an astronaut, flying solo in orbit for the first time. I’d tried simulators and ancient rockets (in the form of the Geo), been rocked around by a few meteors. However, nothing seemed to compare to that first time in space. To go even further with this metaphor, part of me felt like an impostor, fit for anywhere but at the helm of this ship, though I’d been 1) dreaming of flying to the moon since I was a little girl, and 2) craving to get out of this atmosphere quite a lot recently.

Even if it doesn’t feel like it yet, it’s MY ship I suppose. It matches my colleagues, my favorite element, and my eyes (according to Mickey, pictured above). It was meant to be. 

to feeling liberated.